My 12 y/o son has been treated successfully with Concerta and Omega oils for about 3 years - in an inclusive behaviour management classroom - there is no other way to help kids here in Canada - you either stick them full time in a class with other kids that present all types of behaviour issues - or if you are lucky and have a son or daughter that does no present out of the ordinary behaviour you might be able to find a spot in a class where if and when he needs behaviour modification a youth worker will, away from his daily environment, help him modify his behaviour. This is not like home, it works, it tough, but he has learned a lot in the past two years.

My question is, he is now entering the teens, I was a teenager myself, and now that these were the most rebellious and difficult times of my life, am I wrong to be expecting the same from my kids?

I have been told that he will be graduating from the Behaviour Program this year. How do I as a mother make sure they are letting him go because he is ready to face the hard years to come, or because this is a very unique program and "there are other kids in the waiting list". I fought for many years to have this opportunity for my son, I am not ready to sign and documents before the board has completed their end of the bargain. They said they would send him for some academic testing, for academic support as it is very low, which escapes my mind right now- has not been done, however, this school has been the most positive change my son has ever has and I do mot feel in any position to make any demands, as they say they are a very small budget school.

Thanks for reading my message-I might be all over the place myself.

Hi Mom

While I cannot really guide you much with the school question, I do want to tell you that your son's teenage years do not have to be characterized by either rebellion against you, or by great difficulty in life.

The rebellion from a teen typically comes from a difference in values between parent and teen. Most arguments are over values - whose values will be honored and lived-out in the home. It is important to establish what the "obeyed values" and "honored values" will be now.

My preference is for a family to neither use the teenager's values, as they have no more wisdom as a foundation than a 12 year old can gather, nor the parent's values. It is my recommendation that a family consider God's timeless values, easily available for viewing in the Bible (10 Commandments, Sermon on the Mount, and etc). This way both teens and parents appeal to values greater than, and outside of, themselves and their own limitations in wisdom.

For families that are uncomfortable with this, at least sit down and create your own family "Ten Commandments" that become the values everyone agrees are the most important values to live by and "life lessons to learn" while growing up.

Then these Family Ten Commandments become the guiding principles to live by, teach on purpose, and use as a measure of discipline.

And, as a small encouragement, my two oldest (now 23 and 20 years old) were never really problems during the teen years. In fact, they were the most enjoyable years of all because we could share so much together.

I pray the same for you and your family.

Finally, please listen to our Podcasts titled, "Navigating in the New World," which is from a 6-week series that I teach every year for parents and their teenagers.

http://newideas.net/podcasts_parents

I am working on editing them and uploading them to the site, but there is plenty to listen to already.

I hope this is helpful.

Sincerely

Doug Cowan Psy.D.

The ADHD Information Library at http://newideas.net
Over 500 Classroom Interventions at http://www.ADDinSchool.com

The information in this email is not to be considered medical advice. Always consult your own physician or health care provider. The information at the ADHD Information Library and from its staff is for educational purposes only.