Jean Stapleton: Fozzie... you forgot something. You know something? And she's intelligent and talented, and I'm very happy. Waldorf: Yeah, but Queen Victoria wouldn't have you. Feather Duster: [high pitched disco diva type voice] Thank you. Kermit the Frog: Which is the right "here"? Let me come right to the point. Happy Timewasting! Luke Skywalker: [pointing at Miss Piggy, who's dressed like Princess Leia] Look, it's the Princess! And Bert? [Gonzo looks toward Piggy, who quivers in anger and holds up her fist]. [Miss Piggy is transformed back to normal]. [Gonzo is singing "My Way" as his finale song before leaving for a film career in Bombay, but he breaks down crying]. I bought one and George bought one, where were you? A Muppet Likeness of yourself. Waldorf: Of course he loves it; he's the kind of guy who plants poison ivy. This knight business is an actor's gig. Loretta Swit: Oh, now, Kermit, you know how important Miss Piggy is to this show. I had a dream and it was so real! I love that outfit! Fozzie: The rhyming song, the rhyming song. Sam the Eagle: Yes. Dr. William Edgar of Chicago, Illinois, reports he has found a method of synthesizing Italian dinners out of wool. Waldorf: No, we look more like something from the Stone Age! Statler: I know. [Fozzie chases Gonzo away screaming]. Kermit: Yes, Gonzo, but I can give you my ear for a moment. Waldorf: Well, he's the only one who does! Zoot: What if you and I just get right down to it and do this little beauty, huh? Floyd Pepper: Everything is everything. Miss Piggy: [Dom received a bouquet of roses intended for Miss Piggy, which he threw on the ground] Are those my roses? Guy in theater: No, I don't want them interrupting our sleep! I say, let's get rid of him, OK? Season 2 Season 3 Season 4 Season 5 View Quote. Download Image. Sergei has 96 children, 150 grandchildren, and 228 great-grandchildren, none of whom visit him. Kermit the Frog: Hello there Miss Prowse. Gilda Radner: A seven-foot tall talking carrot? Fozzie: Let's all sing the rhyming song, the rhyming song, the rhyming song. Waldorf: Oh, I've been there before. Quack. Waldorf: Sure, it couldn't be worse than this show. Statler: I don't know - I wasn't watching. Dr. Teeth: Huh. Fozzie Bear: Okay. Kermit the Frog: Welcome to "The Muppet Show" where anything can happen! Waldorf: Well, they're gonna keep on doing it till they get it right. The only one of us with real honor. [quivers with rage]. Kermit: William Tell act, onstage, let's go. Miss Piggy: We must've used every dumb Hawaiian joke in the book. Kermit: Well, that wasn't exactly an abject apology. Fozzie Bear: Just read off the page, frog. Milton Berle: Oh, I'd say between 80,000 and 100,000. Fozzie Bear: I don't approve of belly dancers. Fozzie Bear: All right, so my typing is bad. It's too far away. Zoot: If I had a match I could put it out of its misery. [sends Kermit off] Go, go, go. Waldorf: I'd like to get close to Connie Stevens. Rita Moreno: Yeah, yeah, I know, Kermit. Statler: Double or nothing, next week's show? Must have been about 9:00. Miss Piggy: Well, what are you going to do? Famous French clothing designer David Lazour was arrested today under the poultry laws for designing clothes that can suddenly turn into chickens. Miss Piggy: Who you calling "pigskin", fish-face? Remember that, huh? Animal! Oh, I should've guessed that. Peter Sellers: I couldn't remember what she looked like. Elsewhere on the agricultural news front, the recent bumper crop has been causing problems for farmers. When Mr. Nureyev arrives, we must be dignified, we must be respectful. Kermit: Sounds more like the voice of Gonzo. Edgar Bergen: Listen, Mortimer. I was willing to give them credit! Sam's Dance Partner: What's the difference between illegal and immoral? Statler: So they blew up half the theater. I'm a student of Shakespeare. We can, uh... We can go back to where YOU were born: the sty. Boris Klinger was the worst music hall act to ever step onto the stage! An explosion has just taken place at the Smithfield Hat Factory. . [Gonzo appears in a cloud of smoke, holding a paper] Gonzo, is that the contract from the devil? Robin the Frog: [returns] I'm going to go and learn this cute little song! AND THANK YOU!!! Kermit the Frog: Oh, then he owes YOU money. [looks up] Mallarditis? How'd you like it? The ransom note has reportedly been received. Kermit the Frog: Leggies and genglefins, welcun again to tie Mupple Shocks. [suddenly, gunshots are heard and a bunch of fish fall on the desk]. Scooter: Oh, boy, oh, boy, chief. Scooter: George Burns. George Burns: About twenty a day. Sam the American Eagle: I have seen some pretty WEIRD guests on this show, but this Elton John borders on the revolutionary! See, it's Jokes on Any Subject. Rowlf the Dog: Well, it's a Dane joke, but I wouldn't call it great. Season 2 Season 3 Season 4 Season 5 View Quote. There he is: the Fastest Gerkin in the West. Kermit: Scooter, I needed that like I need a broken leg! Kermit the Frog: I mean me! [Fozzie has asked Harry Belafonte where he gets his ideas for his songs]. Who can tell you why?/Fools give you reasons/Wise men never try. He was awakened late last night when 500 fish pounded on his door asking for water. Statler: I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't watched it. Kermit: What? Bert: See what I mean? Director (s): James Frawley. The Loop (TV) Do you like this video? [Zero takes a hammer and raises it over Sam's head] I personally have always felt that this program... [looks at Zero again, who drops hammer behind]... must... must, I say, be cleansed of all nonsense... [Zero now takes a gun and aims it at Sam]... and silliness! Anyhow, take care of yourselves and we'll see you next time on "The Muppet Show". Discover (and save!) Snappy patter and jokes, he knows what pleases the folks. Kermit: [to the alligators] Okay, okay, how many times do I have to tell you guys: no eating guest stars a the beginning of the show. The Great Gonzo: And now... classical music meets seafood! The waiter got the change and the hotel got the rest! The Newsman: Here's a Muppet News Flash. The Newsman: This lamb is one of a new kind of sheep that has been bred to hunt wolves and is extremely dangerous. Kermit the Frog: Am I laying it on a little too sick? I'd seen the Clem brothers, the Under brothers, the James brothers. Statler: I really liked the show tonight. Miss Piggy: [coming up] Did someone call me? I will not stand for it! Zitate. Statler: Oh, yeah? You're the only one of us with real gallantry. The Newsman: Scientists throughout the city confirmed that such an occurrence would be impossible. Waldorf: I can't hear it. Waldorf: Thanksgiving dinner with my in-laws. Guys! Statler: Well, there it is. 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