Reach for the floor. Fleet Scribbler: Aha. Juliet Prowse: You mean to tell me that Paul Newman is here? Waldorf: Don't bother now. The spaceship Swine Trek is about to make a soft landing on a distant planet. The Entertainer is taking a bow. Sam the American Eagle: Freakos: One. Kermit the Frog: Piggy, have you been planting items about us in the gossip papers again? The beds were built on an assembly line formerly used for popup toasters. Kermit the Frog: Fozzie, what are you doing with this typewriter on my table? Guy in theater: Then bring on the girl comic! Yeah, I sing this song see, and Muppy here does this cute, adorable, sweet, sugary little dance. Big Bird: Oh. Robot Kermit: Yeah. Uncle Deadly: [lets go then looks around and asks Kermit in a natural voice] Which way do I exit? I certainly didn't! Kermit the Frog: Well, you probably didn't know the Swedish Chef had an uncle... and neither did we, until he arrived just now... [Floyd and Janice are sitting in the theater box where Waldorf and Statler usually sit]. Kermit the Frog: Oh, hi there, Fozzie. Sesame Street characters are copyright of Sesame Workshop. I'm one rare bear! Scooter: Okay, Kemit. Roger Moore: Kermit, is it always like this on the show? The Great Gonzo: Really? The Robert Redford of frogdom. Statler: Ever eat any of that Swedish Chef's food? He's-a wearin' a neck-a-tie! Hai-ya! Scooter: Kermit, Muppy wants you to know he's very sorry he bit you. [Waldorf vanishes] Yeah, I know what you... [Statler vanishes, too]. Season 2 Season 3 Season 4 Season 5 View Quote. Votes: 6 Jim Henson 'Cause if we do, together, we can turn the world around. Jul 18, 2012 - This Pin was discovered by Janice Klein. Fozzie Bear: Dressing room? Statler: Hmm? Milton Berle: Now, just a minute. The Forg? Beauregard: I don't even know what I'm doing now! [Gonzo's stunt has been to use his bare hands to catch a cannonball fired out of a cannon]. Kermit the Frog: Thank you, thank you, thank you. Fozzie: [Phone rings] I'll get it! Today, I'm in a steam room with a lady pig. Guard: That's a cheap weapon. History Talk (0) Share ... A good example would be The Muppet Show pilot episode was named Sex and Violence and was supposed to be a fun and satirical show that could steer any audience in society and not just tell warm fuzzy stories about a pig trying to marry a frog. Kermit the Frog: Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Harry Belafonte! I will not stand for it! Edgar Bergen: What's the matter with you, Charlie? [the Newsman laughs at his own joke; the conductor jams his baton in the Newsman's nose], [the conductor nods and removes his baton], [Tony Randall has found a spell that turns statues into pigs], Tony Randall: Pigskin. She is merely... disappointed. But right now let's get things rolling on The Muppet Show where we have "Comedy Tonight". My only sunshine. Statler: Boy, we really look like something from the rock age! [looks past the camera as if reading que cards]. Hrmm? I'm going to call my lawyer! [Gonzo's motorcycle from earlier is still in Waldorf and Statler's theater box, teetering on the edge]. Dateline: Egypt. So THAT'S what's been going on around here all night! [speaking, soulfully] Now the curtain is going up. Is that disgusting? Miss Piggy: [clears her throat] Pity we can't book an *important* guest star once in a while. Statler: We came in here to be entertained, and we're not. Waldorf: Well, I finally got my hearing aid working. [Connie Stevens emerges and begins dancing with him] Oh, Connie... Once you have found her never let her go/Once you have found her never let her go. [a giant chicken approaches them from behind and clucks at them loudly; they are startled]. I hated it! Welcome to The Muppet Show. Hai-ya! I would have given anything to do the jousting scene! I just don't want to go. Hey, Miss Piggy - Miss Piggy, is Elton John okay? Uncle Deadly: [holding Kermit by the throat and shaking him] I swore I would never perform here again, nor would anyone else. Pops: Yeah, me, too. Waldorf: You should see his sister James Fenimore. I was in a country called Guinea; and I went deep into the interior of the country and in a little village, I met with a storyteller. Fozzie Bear: Heeey, you know that the bear is funny. The Newsman: Here's a Muppet News Flash. Waldorf: I loved it. Kermit: Yeah, well I spent 13.50 on the suits of armor. Am I too hip for the room? Wonderful! Floyd Pepper: I'll see that bet and raise you five. [sees Waldorf asleep]. Fozzie: [enters holding a fish] Okay, now ask me what I'm carrying the fish for. [looks at Zero once more, who puts gun in his own mouth] Don't you agree with me, sir? Waldorf: Hey, listen, all your impressions sound the same. Statler: you old foll 1. Fozzie Bear: [running on-stage] Hiya! Statler: You know something? [suddenly he double-checks the script with confusion, apparently not getting it]. But what is *that*? George Burns. Miss Piggy: Uh, listen, yellow thing. Kermit the Frog: Really? Rowlf the Dog: [reading] Uh, "Curtains open. Waldorf: Darn, I'd better get some new batteries for my hearing aid. Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: Oh, so that's what Bunsonium does. [the man tries vainly to beat the cushion with a newspaper]. Fozzie Bear: I don't approve of belly dancers. watch 01:20. Cowboy: Have you got a license to carry them pickles? Rowlf: I've been playing saloons down in Snake City for three years. Kermit the Frog: And where did they GO? Bernadette Peters: Oh really? Announcer: All right, then, don't; see if I care. Rudolf Nureyev: Think of it. Gonzo: What? I think I see why. The Great Gonzo: Thank you. [an explosion with bright light comes through the phone's mike]. Waldorf: Maybe the show's starting to get under your skin. Fozzie: [the phone rings] I'll get it! They were all written by the same writer. Sgt. [both laugh]. So I hung up and then I went back to watching the television. Statler: There was something thrilling about being in the show tonight. They think explosions are funny. [suddenly, the man's cabinet comes to life, growing angry eyes and teeth and comes at him, growling]. An explosion has just taken place at the Smithfield Hat Factory. Fozzie: Hey, did you hear the one about the kangaroo that comes into a store, and a hippopotamus comes out and he says to the kanga [curtains close] HEY I WASN'T FINISHED! Don't look now, Bergen, but somebody left the sty gate open. Just let me discuss it with him man to man, okay? Why isn't the bear running things around here? Last week he ate the guest. The show's not that bad. He was under the sheet just a second ago. Scooter: Yeah, it's great. And it's not just people, although, goodness knows, that's bad enough, but animals too. [she karate-chops him]. The Newsman: Dateline: Fresno. 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